Thoughts I Had While Watching ‘Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan’

When it comes to the portrayal of homosexual relationships, Bollywood hasn’t done a great job. Yes, Ek Ladki Ko Dekha Toh Aisa Laga, I’m looking RIGHT at you, and not mincing ANY words. When it comes to the representation of same-sex relationships, what we see is absolute mockery and full-blown preaching. Where’s the good content??

And with that thought, I get into the theatre and fully prepare myself for perhaps another disappointment with Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan. But perhaps, maybe, I will be proven wrong.

1. So the film starts with Ayushmannnn (how many Ns? I’m never sure) and his baby boo Jitendra are helping Bhumi elope. FYI, Bhumi does not have an offensive black-face on. Interesting.

2. Before we proceed, I’d like to throw in a - I LOVE AYUSHMANN IN A NOSE RING :3

3. Jitu’s sister Goggle is getting married and Ayushmann has decided he wants to come along (I’m sensing some incoming trouble). Anyway, they’re in Allahabad now. <Has Allahabad’s name been changed yet? Can’t keep up>

4. Um...Jitu’s dad saw them PASSIONATELY making out. He has now passed out - full homophobe style. But hey, can we talk about how cute the two are? SO CUTE, I WILL DIE <dies>

5. Daddy is now constantly giving shit to Jitu. He’s straight up attacking Ayushmann. Between you and I, I’m quite mad at this uncle. He’s being SOOOO unnecessary.

6. JITU JUST KISSED AYUSHMANN IN FRONT OF EVERYONE- ON THE MOUTH- I CAN’T BREATHE HOLD ME

7. Tsk tsk tsk...Jitu’s parents are straight up talking about helping him with “treatment”. Somebody needs to give ‘em a good old kitaab. MEANWHILE, Goggle’s wedding has been called off and she has run away. Our girl is so neglected...

8. Ayushmannnn is now explaining to people that he has both Shiv and Parvati inside him and I’m...is this necessary??

9. Meanwhile, Jitu’s parents want him to get married to a girl, who is now convincing Jitu to do it because she’s in love with someone from another caste (societal problems 101) and this way they can both please their parents AND have their freedom. (Sounds messy lol)

10. Ayushmann is NOT having it. He has returned and is getting LITERALLY beaten up by the dad. He really needs boo Jitu to STEP UP. (We all do, he’s kinda not saying much)

11. It is the day of the wedding, y’all. Our boy Ayushmann is truly broken, and I’m on my way to file a police complaint because THIS IS NOT ALLOWED. Meanwhile, Jitu’s parents have had a moment where they BOTH realised how they still love the people they gave up on, to please society. Me right now:

12. Jitu’s fiance has ELOPED (This movie is a massive elope-fest, tbh) Ayushmann has dressed up as the bride and I’m as confused as you are but MAN, AATMAON KA LING NAHI HOTA, Y’ALL

13. I’m holding my breath - they CUTE CUTE

14. The police showed up, and Jitu’s dad has had a change of heart. He’s saying HELL no to the world intruding in private matters. HAH, he finally gets it.

15. AND that’s that. Goggle has married herself because she can’t give two hoots about men anymore, and in classic Bollywood style, Jitu’s dad drops off Ayushmann and him to the trains, saying ‘Ja Simran Ja!’. I’m proper crying.

16. THE END. My face right now:

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