Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.
If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org.
This week’s Q&As below:
I have been in a relationship for the past 8 months with a guy in my neighbourhood. He has been a nice and kind man, but owing to some misunderstandings, I had to pull the plug off the relationship.
I thought that it would be prudent to do that right in the beginning rather than waiting for it to aggravate and finally coming to an end in a nasty way. I have seen people dragging their relationships to the grave I did not want to carry it. I am more focused on my life and my future plans at this moment. He seems to be only focused in marrying me and making me his wife. Am I doing the right thing?
Heartbreaks are never easy. And I am sure that if it was worth it you would have given it a chance. You know for sure that to find someone who loves you so much is a rarity. We all should be blessed to find someone like that.
Maybe, you need to re-calibrate your relationship. Maybe, you should focus on possibilities with positive outcomes as much as you are thinking about negative outcomes. You can be realistic even with the possibility of a positive outcome if your life is anyways based on a supposition.
It is good to sort out all the misunderstandings that you have with him in an open discussion where you listen as much as you speak. You both could speak things out and things could get better with closure.
Give the conversation a shot, even if not the relationship. Maybe then you could decide on what you guys ought to do.
Your plans are different. His plans may be different. And you may have your collective plans which may come up after a few years maybe.
Give it time. Give it energy. And give it love.
‘Will My Wife Leave Me Because I Have a Small Penis?’
My wife has been fond of penises that are long in size. She had a string of affairs before we got married. My penis is smaller than what she believes is “satisfying”. The other day, I eavesdropped on her conversation with a random friend of her’s where she was giggling and saying - “I couldn’t even say if it was in, he has a small one.”
I have been depressed ever since. I have tried stretching my penis with the hope that the size increases. However there seems to be no change in the size of the penis. Will my wife leave me because I have a small penis?
Dear Big Enough,
There is no better way of saying the truth and the truth is that THIS IS DISGUSTING. I know wives are free to discuss their sex lives with their girl friends but the whole idea of wanting to discuss your penis size is disgusting.
I think you should bring this up with your wife. You should tell her that you feel uncomfortable about something. You should express yourself without thinking that she may leave you. Be bothered about your self respect, not about the consequences.
I would suggest that you check with a sexologist about the size of a penis that would be appropriate, but I should tell you that a small one should be enough to satisfy. You don’t need to keep pulling your penis expecting it to grow. You just need to pull yourself up from the hole you are digging for yourself. The fault is not yours.
‘My Wife Wants to Become a Man’
My wife does manly things. She goes out to work and she works really hard. She also wears jeans and pants and other such manly clothes. One day, when we had a quarrel, she actually said “I am like the husband” in this marriage. Is my wife transgender? Does she really want to be a man?
People don’t become men by wearing pants. People are men when they say they are men. Kindly give your mind some rest. Go watch a movie or a play or go out drinking with your friends. Your mind is going in areas that it shouldn’t.
The gender of a person can be determined by the person themselves and no one else. So please stop overthinking and start living your life fruitfully with your wife.
It is incorrect of her to say that she thinks she is the husband in the relationship, just as incorrect as it is for you to think that that means you are the wife in the relationship. Because being a wife or a husband is not a bad thing.
Disrespecting each other is what is bad.
(The text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the people. You can send in your questions to email@example.com)
(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)
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