Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer aka RainbowMan’s Q&A space on The Quint.
If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationships, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org.
This week’s Q&As below:
I Love Rahul Gandhi And My In-laws Keep Praising Modi
I am a 28 year old married girl from the Himalayas. I have a crush on Rahul Gandhi and get very agitated when people speak rudely about him. I am in a very happy marriage, but lately my relationship with my in-laws is getting bad. My in-laws have taken it upon themselves to specifically speak about Narendra Modi highly in front of me, just to piss me off. This is slowly taking the form of serious tension in my married life. What should I do?
I don’t know if you wrote to me to tease me, or you are serious. I think he looks cute and is very handsome. The depth of his dimple is how deep my crush on him is. I hope you see a friend in me after reading this and not a cruel Sauten. 😊
Like seriously, look at this face. How can anyone not appreciate it?
Jokes apart. I want to share with you that when we crush on famous people, we should also be ready to understand that others will have an opinion about them. And while, we can love them to death, we also need to remember that what we love or hate about them is the image that we have.
When we meet our idols in reality, for all we know, we may have the idol worshipping blinkers removed. We may also have a chance to wear new blinkers of more pronounced adulation and respect for the person we idolise. Just don’t take it too much to heart.
And learn to appreciate people who are different from our thinking. I may not be a fan of Modi, but I do appreciate a lot of good in him too. Like say, his administrative skills and the skill of keeping the reigns of his government tightly held in his hands. I know for us junta, Rahul Gandhi is the best boy in the class. But lets give impartial treatment to all students in the school of politics.
Let us learn to appreciate people who are different from us, even when the people who think differently from us, don’t do the same. Let’s lead by example. And they will follow someday.
Don’t validate those who seek to bully you for your political beliefs. But also, resist the temptation to label the casual tease as “bullying” and “insult”. When you react, they get pleasure. Don’t. I personally know enough people who bully anyone who is a NaMo fan too. It works both ways. Learn to keep your political beliefs and your personal life aside. It doesn’t matter if people are left, right or centre as long as they have values of equality, respect and love.
As for Rahul. I don’t believe in PunarJanam, but if there is one… Well, next birth, I am marrying him. He is booked. Sorry babe, you need to wait another birth cycle to get married to him. 😊
I Want to Have Breasts
I am a 23-year-old boy who was to explore his female side just for fun. I want to experience what it feels like to have breasts. How does one sex change? And will I be able to remove my chest and convert it into mammary glands? How does it work?
Dear Breast Friend,
I love breasts too. I am not a “cross dresser” per se, but whenever I get a chance to explore my feminine side, I do so very unabashedly and loudly. I wear fake breasts that one gets in the shop and stuff it with cotton. I wear mascara and flaunt my eyes. I suggest you do the same. Dress up the way you want to.
As for sex change. Well, it is not a costume. You shouldn’t and cannot change your sex “just for fun”. It has serious consequences.
First, for any sex change operation, you need to go for a year long counselling evaluation. The counsellor may ask you to be in your other gender look for a while just to see how you are accepting the same. It is only after all these procedures that you are given a green signal to go through sex change.
That’s the difference between going through sex change and wearing a pyjama. Sex change is almost irreversible. Whereas you can get into and get out of your pyjama as many times you want to.
Hope that answers your question?
Need more help? Visit Humsafar Trust. They are a very grassrooted organisation committed to our cause like no other. You will get their details from www.humsafar.org you can write to my friend Koninika, email@example.com and she will assist you in fixing an appointment with the counsellor.
Do Survivors Of Child Sexual Abuse Speak Up Because They Seek Attention?
I hate you because you remind me of my scars everytime you speak up about your child sexual abuse. Why do you do this? Are you just seeking attention?
If each one of us who has been through difficult places in life and have found our way out comes out, tells the world where they were and sheds light on the route to come out, many in the world will be saved the fear of being in darkness for their whole life.
My abuse is my truth. I don’t try running away from the truths of my life. I think, no one should. I understand that is my past. And that I can’t erase my past. I can only accept it, acknowledge it and put it where it belongs – in the past.
You have a reference in me – a face for male child sexual abuse. I didn’t have any when I spoke up. And it is natural that when you are among the first in anything, you tend to get undivided attention. I am not ashamed to have revelled in it. And when someone puts their name and face out there for the cause, it is natural that there would be judgments, and more judgements. Public figures are subject to all forms of scrutiny. Some see my abuse as my ticket to fame, but there is a majority of people who see “how I dealt with life post abuse” as the winning example to the world.
Remember that when we are pushed to the ground, the only way we can go is to the top. Sometimes what we choose to do with the energy we generate in difficult moments of our lives makes us a true hero.
You may choose to succumb to the pressures of it, or you could convert all of it to positive energy and have the will to listen and share the physics of your story about how you converted that negative energy into a ray of hope for yourself and others.
I maybe doing this for attention, you never know. But if you noticed and understood that you are not the only person who has felt violated in this world, I think somewhere it helps even if you disagree with my ways.
Thank you for speaking up. Courage is contagious. Courage is a chain reaction.
(The copy of the text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the person. You can send in your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org)
(Harish Iyer is an award winning equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)