Sexolve 108: ‘I’m In Love With My Son’s Friend, What Do I Do?’

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to sexolve@thequint.com.

This week’s Q&As below:

‘I’m in Love With My Neighbour’s Daughter’

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a married man with two kids. Both my children are of marriageable age. One of my sons is gay and the other is straight. Both have loving partners with whom they would want to start their own family very soon. I am sharing this so that you know that we are a very evolved and liberal family. My wife is loving but we do not have a “relationship” as such and she is okay with me having relations with other women because she does not feel inclined to be involved with me. My neighbour’s daughter is my sons classmate. She used to come to study with my son all the time during childhood. Recently, when she was home and my son was out, I chatted with her over wine. One thing lead to another and we ended up kissing each other passionately. Ever since, we’ve been speaking to each other. Our conversations often take the sexual tone. How do I proceed with this? She is my son’s age. How do I take this further from here?

Dad-in-love

Dear Dad- in-love,

It’s so cool that you are open-minded and liberal enough to accept and support your children for who they are and the choices they make. It is rare to find a father like that and a mother like that. Hope you continue being awesome that way.

Regarding your love life, I am not someone to judge you because of the age of your lover.

She may be young, but as long as she is an adult, and your affair is consensual, it would not make me judgemental. However, be aware that no matter how evolved you and your family are, these attachments are difficult to navigate.

Also, about your wife, are you sure that she is not telling you to go ahead with your leanings only because she feels incapable of satiating your sexual desires? If that is the case, it is totally wrong. Give your wife a call. Sit across the table and discuss this with her. Let it not be a shock to anyone. And regarding your neighbour’s daughter, are you sure that she also is in love with you and it is not a one-sided affair? Again, I’m not saying so because she is young, but because she is taking an adult decision.

Remember that your love may be young, not just your lover. Do gauge if your lover is ready to take this to the next level.

So talk and be ready for consequences, no matter which way it takes you. Inshallah, you will make peace with the result of this interaction.

Hugs,
RainbowMan

PS: Age doesn’t matter in love. The love matter matters.

‘I’m 19 And I Love a 15-Year-Old Boy’

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 19-year-old girl in wild love with a 15-year-old boy. He is my brother’s friend and is very cute. I have not confessed my love to him as of yet but we have met many times and we know that we love each other. We have not been physical. His family loves me too and I have no doubt about the fact that they would approve of our relationship even though he is younger than me. I just need to marry him. How should I proceed with this though?

Almost-Out-Of-Teen

Dear Almost-Out-Of-Teen,

Love is often wild and loud. I am glad you have found someone who you love. I really wish that he loves you too.

While legally there is nothing stopping two people from loving each other irrespective of the age, I should tell you that you should wait for your partner to turn 18 before you engage in any conversation with him in the sexual or physical context.

There is a law that’s called POCSO (Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Act). Give your love time to grow. It is a seedling now, water it to become a sapling and then I am sure it will blossom into a beautiful love-tree.

Till then, keep safe distance. Love, yes. But no sexting, no physical contact.

Smiles
RainbowMan

PS: In you, I trust.

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 30-year-old man and my wife is 28. On my wedding night I noticed a penis like structure near my wife’s vagina. It becomes small when we are not having sex but grows when we have sex. Is she bisexual?

Worried husband

Dear Worried Husband,

In all possibility, it is the clitoris that you are referring to.

It doesn’t need any treatment, it is a pleasure point for a woman that grows when a woman gets sexually excited. But if your wife suspects that it is a skin growth, ask her to get it evaluated by a doctor.

Also, bisexuals are people who are capable of falling in love with people regardless of their gender. Bisexuals are not defined as people who have a different anatomy.

I would suggest that you search for both these words – bisexuals and clitoris – on the internet.

Here’s a video on female anatomy, I searched for you.

Good luck with your sex life. Goodbye to your worries.

Smiles
RainbowMan

PS: Reading up about female anatomy helps.

(The text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the people. You can send in your questions to sexolve@thequint.com.)

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)

(For more stories on sexual health, follow FIT)

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