Revolver Ranee: Banned, baaja, buffet

I was off to my nephew’s shaadi, to another town. I tell you it is overbearing and a pain to be presentable to the world, as per its standards. Exactly, what is each one’s standards me not knows. It is a huge task to wear ironed clothes, do make up and plus wear jools. Then they will judge you for not wearing silk, yeah, in tropical climates silks and polyesters should just be banned.

Then they want jools to be dripping in diamonds. I can’t tell glass from diamond, yeah, and that coming from a woman whose aai wore no jools that were not diamonds. My presence is wanted, then it should be as per my standards. So I choose to wear breathable, more presentable cotton, they get offended. For every event or karya, new outfit. What is this? One sari was worn throughout the day and at the most, one for the reception and possibly a third for the jevan. Now there are multiple functions over quite a few days. Sangeet was never part of Maharashtrian weddings, but this blot called Bollywood has made all go bonkers. Don’t even ask, first one has to wear heavier clothes and jools, special chappals, okay, sandals and then balance dancing with it all.

We Maharashtrians always gave Rs 11 as blessing, for everything auspicious. Then for the Rs 11 to be upgraded to like Rs 51, took a decade. Weddings were Rs.101 for strangers and Rs 501 for relatives and immediate neighbours. Aai Ganpati shappat, there was no brain-racking formula. And for everything Re one IS STILL COMPULSORY, otherwise Lord Ganesha will not bless you for rounding up. He is round as it is, why give him stress bringing more rounding, we erase kampitisan.

Then by the time I came to college, inflation was the word. Then all new, new things have happened. Maharashtrian weddings were nice, short and jevan was served. Then this new conspiracy called buffet entered our lives. Basically, whoever invented buffet should be hung from the ceiling fan upside down. We are toh like this only, baba, Marathi jevan has spoilt us. Of course, best to sit for jevan also in first pangat. Buffets are unhygienic, and when served in plastic plates, they become greasy after the first round. So one has to scramble to get fresh plates, NOT even once used, else skip. Because you see the yellowish greasy tinge. Then it’s random food spread across miles, standing in queues like at prisons or hostels. You want to take once only, because go frequently and people whisper, “See how many times she went to get food”. Then you have to balance all that in one BIG plate and always the dal spills, mixing with the basundi adjacent to it, sheh. No, thanks, I like to be served.

Now, I am told latest is, hiring girlfriends/boyfriends for weddings. Methinks it’s a good idea. Back then we knew one could hire wedding clothes, now it is girlfriends/boyfriends, quite a nice idea. Others get more curious and actually, a good idea to divert attention from the clothes and small talk.

This straight shooter likes to tell it as it is.

Also Read: Revolver Ranee: Pawarful play