No Bole Choodiyan, but Bole Kangana: How to Be a Kanganationalist

If there’s one thing that makes Kangana go Kangan-awe (or weak in the knees), it’s nationalism. Or rather Kanganationalism.

And this nationalism – Kangana prem katha goes back many years. Well... five to be precise.

In fact, Kangana’s fiery brand of nationalism is the perfect kunji for anyone interested in quickly bumping up their Kanganationalist, oops, nationalist scores! Here’s how.

1. Shock and Kangan-awe: Keep the Josh Always High

If you truly want to be a headline-grabbing nationalist, insipid bayaanbaazi on deshprem or deshbhakti won’t do. Look out for easy targets: hunt ‘em wishy washy liberals down. This is your golden chance, countrymen. Because nothing proves your Kanganationalist creds better than attacking your fellow countrymen.

Also Read: Kangana Calls Shabana ‘Anti-National’, Shabana Reacts

Because if someone disagrees with you (tune in to 2:10 of this clip) when it comes to the varying degrees of nationalism, you shouldn’t even want to be friends with them. Let the different shades of a strong (and secure) national identity be damned.

So be like Kangana Ranaut, and keep the josh of your loud proclamations always high. You will soon begin to see the results on social media in the form of increased likes and some high-profile mentions.

A 2018 article from The Print.

2. Don’t Be Apologetic

Now, if you are truly serious about being a ‘viral’ nationalist, know that there’s no reason for you to feel apologetic.

When dismissive ‘liberals’ try to talk you down...return the favour. ‘Shame’ them back. Say how words like ‘chest thumping’ and ‘jingoism’ too are used to shame people.

Also Read: Kangana Ranaut defends her 'Pakistan destruction' statement

But you don’t be ashamed. Because the only person who has the right to shame people is YOU, DEAR NATIONALIST. Just like Kangana did – when she shamed Javed Akhtar and Shabana Azmi for agreeing to do a concert in Pakistan. Which they did cancel, but hey, you can always dismiss it as an attempt to ‘save face’, right?

Also Read: Kangana Calls Shabana ‘Anti-National’, Shabana Reacts

"“People like Shabana Azmi calling for halt on cultural exchange – they are the ones who promote Bharat Tere Tukde Honge gangs... why did they organise an event in Karachi in the first place when Pakistani artistes have been banned after Uri attacks? And now they are trying to save face? The film industry is full of such anti-nationals who boost enemies’ morals in many ways, but right now is the time to focus on decisive actions... Pakistan ban is not the focus, Pakistan destruction is.”" - Kangana Ranaut, Actor

3. Hate thy Enemy: But Let the Business Go On

The Pulwama attack angered every Indian. But here’s how Kangana had reacted.

"The killing of our sons is like a dagger in our gut; anyone who lectures about non-violence and peace at this time should be painted black, put on a donkey and slapped by everyone on the streets." - Kangana Ranaut, Actor

Well, too bad Kangana. We aren’t living in a medieval society, where public humiliation on donkey backs in a town square is how we treat people whose views we don't like. Although that seems very likely, if one were to be a citizen of Kanganistan.

In 2018, the actress had said this about the idea of art being separate from conflict.

"“Artistic realm is different from physical realm. When you are talking about physical boundaries and you are talking about borders, why be esoteric? You should know about a place where people are losing lives.”" - Kangana Ranaut, Actor

Alright girl, the argument is persuasive as hell. Except, you forgot to tell us how your own film, Manikarnika, which was running successfully in Pakistan even after the Pulwama attack, did not have its plug pulled.

Guess it’s right to say that rhetoric is apni jagah, but when it comes to business, the show must literally go on.

I know that in today’s times, we are all being measured by how much nationalism we can project.

After all, when we are quantifying every little detail about ourselves – from the number of kilometres we jog, to our heart rates, we could just also quantify our nationalism and exhibit it to the world, right?

How many nationalist steps did you take today. Just 100? You can do better dude, I did 1,000, and how strong is your resting nationalist heart beat? Bas, only 40 beats a minute? Time to pump some nationalist fervour into your veins!

To be sure, nationalism is what helped India get freedom in the first place, so as Indians, we all oughta be a bit nationalist. But in today’s highly quantifiable times, I urge you all to not only channel your inner nationalist, but also share regular updates of your nationalist score because well... bole choodiya and more importantly, bole Kangana!

(With inputs from India Today, The Print and News18)

. Read more on Satire by The Quint.RSS & BJP’s Nehru-Netaji ‘Cosplay’: Irony Dies a Thousand DeathsRahul Gandhi Has Agreed to Contest From Wayanad: Kerala Cong Chief . Read more on Satire by The Quint.