Influencers: They're Just Like Us! Chapter 248

Tom Banham
·3-min read
Photo credit: Dan Rentea / EyeEm - Getty Images
Photo credit: Dan Rentea / EyeEm - Getty Images

From Esquire

The Ancient Greek gods, when they weren't indulging in japes like appearing as bulls to trick earth women into having sex with them, had a bit of a thing for deeply ironic punishments.

Take Sisyphus, who escaped death a few times by convincing the folks in the underworld they should let him back up to earth, and so was tasked with the fairly anodyne task of rolling a boulder up a hill. Except, every time he reached the peak, it would slip out of his hands and trundle back to the bottom. Or Prometheus, who for stealing fire from the gods and sharing it with his mortal buddies, was chained to a rock and so an eagle could peck out his liver, only for it to regrow overnight in time for peckish bird to do the deed again the next day. Or even the 49 daughters of Danaus, who all murdered their husbands on their wedding nights and so were ordered to fill up a basin to cleanse themselves of their crimes. The only issue being that the basin drained as quickly as they topped it up (oh, you Greek gods! *shakes fist*).

However, none of them holds an inextinguishable candle to the eternal-punishment-masquerading-as-a-job-ad posted by one LA influencer. As shared by NYT reporter Taylor Lorenz, the "part-time" gig (which might become full-time!) involves working eight hour shifts at the influencer's home every day, as well as being "on call almost 24/7". The 'successful' applicant will also need to "keep all emotion/private life matters completely away from this world", "remain sober yet social and inviting in very high profile environments", "wake the client each day with coffee, [their] schedule and other requests" and will "constantly be letting maids, makeup artists, editors, stylists etc enter the home/office".

Greekiest of all, though, is the requirement that they "organise and pack/unpack [the] client's bags constantly". Perhaps this bag is full of holes, and however quickly the PA stuffs in gifted sunglasses and weight loss tea, they just pour straight back out. Or maybe, just as they're about to shut the bag each day, it slips from their tear-moistened fingers and rolls from the bed onto the floor, spilling its contents, to be packed anew the next morning.

The poor, unfortunate soul who completes these labours will receive, in recompense, somewhere between £19,000 and £23,000 per year. For 24/7 work, that equates to around £2 per hour. Better than the six pomegranate seeds granted to Persephone, the goddess of spring, but you're still not exactly saving up for a deposit in Silver Lake.

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