In the wake of the Nirav Modi-Punjab National Bank scam, The Quint’s RJ Stutee lets her alter ego, Pammi Kaur, take over, and decides to write a letter to Nirav Modi.
Hello Nirav Modiji
What’s up?I hope this latter finds you where our investigating agencies may never go! How are you? Ever since I’ve heard about you and your Rs 11,000 crore, I'm so totally impressed it's giving me orgasmic pleasure.
You are the real ‘heera’ (diamond) because you are being chased by the police of just one ‘mulk’ (country) and that too for Rs 11,000 crore. That's special!
You have made me realise what I’m missing in life… pampering! I need to be pampered like the PNB pampered you.
Modi ji said, "Make in India, Make in India…" and now that you have made a fool of us, I wonder why everyone is cribbing! But I'm not like others. Pammi is going to make you sign an autograph for her, that too using a Rotomac pen. That's what great people like you deserve.
Also, I am writing this letter to you to please consider adopting me! I once sent an email to Mallyaji too, but guess he is too busy with the "good times." Not only do I have a dazzling recording of never having returned a penny in my life, I am also couriering you what you may have forgotten to steal from my PNB – piggy national bank.
There are three things that every Indian must learn from you, especially these middle-class guys.
1. To learn to be zen in all situations. Like we saw your smiling Davos pic. No one could have guessed what you were up to.
2. Impossible is nothing. No one has had as many letters of understanding (LoU) as you had.
3. And finally, one must never overstay one’s welcome. I am so impressed with how quickly you know you had to get the hell out.
Anyway, here's hoping you take care and don’t give a damn!
Camera: Abhishek Ranjan
Editor: Kunal Mehra/Ashish MacCune
Producer: Tridip K Mandal/Vivek Das
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