England has conquered Europe, the Premier League has destroyed all that has been out up against them and carved out a piece of history amid the crumbled ruins of our rivals.
Never before has one country provided all four finalists for both the Champions and Europa League. This is England’s moment. We have unleashed our weapons of mass destruction. Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool and Tottenham, this is your time.
Behold our mighty power, our glory and kneel before us. It is a triumphant moment, confirmation that, once again, the Premier League is the greatest league in the world.
Europe should be afraid, they should be alarmed and they should be ashamed because if they think this is bad, wait until they remember that the best team in the country, the team that is about to be crowned champions for a second year running, will be back in Europe again next season and Manchester City are convinced it is only a matter of time until they crush continental competitions too.
All praise our leaders, hail their wisdom and rejoice in the fruits of our multi-billion pound television deal.
Brexit Britain is still not open for business - in fact Brexit Britain remains a laughing stock - but English football is back. A football Empire has been built, and a golden, gilded era of unprecedented dominance has begun.
Never again will we be mocked when we tell the rest of the world, that football is coming home. Sing it loud, sing it proud. It is home and it is not leaving again, at least not any time soon. Take that football, take that world. In your face.
Sorry, my apologies, I do not know what came over me. This is all rather laughable, deliberately so, if I’m being honest.
We should be proud of what our clubs have achieved in Europe, it has been a remarkable campaign and yes, history has been created. This is not a year we will ever forget.
From Liverpool’s dismantling of the old order from Barcelona, to Tottenham’s destruction of the young pretenders from Ajax, to Arsenal swaggering defeat of Valencia in Spain to Chelsea’s nerves of steel penalty shootout win over those pesky Germans, Eintracht Frankfurt, this is indeed a magnificent moment for the Premier League.
Yet, in truth, the dominance of the English clubs may have come at the worst possible time. When they come to reflect on what went wrong, once they have got over their shock, Europe’s major powers will not take long to decide what is responsible for their humiliation. The Premier League television deals, both domestic and overseas, that dwarf anything they are able to access.
The Premier League is the richest domestic competition in the world, it boasts six of the top ten wealthiest clubs on the planet. More than that, when you look a little further down the league table, you find clubs like Everton (17th) and Newcastle United (19th). Clubs who are lucky if they even qualify for a European competition able to outspend those who do so regularly.
Europe will respond. In fact, they already have done. If you are not aware yet, the biggest clubs on the continent were well aware of the problem long before four English teams shut them out of the Champions League and Europa League finals and they are trying to destroy the current competition structure to level the financial playing field. They want a European Superleague. Make no mistake.
They have been worried about England’s financial power for some time and know the only way to try and rectify things is to increase their own revenue streams. They want a competition that guarantees more glamorous games against the other big, famous clubs to sell to broadcasters, rather than a competition founded on the principles of a meritocracy. And Uefa are working on ideas to appease them. Creating a new Champions League, dominated by an elite group, which could leave as few as four of its 32 places for clubs from the rest of the European leagues.
A league suits them far more than a knockout format because it lessens the risk of them suffering a shock. The best teams with the biggest squads are far more likely to prevail when there are more games to play. They know this, because they already do so at home.
In Germany, Spain, Italy and France, the domestic league is dominated to unhealthy degree by one or, at best, two omnipotent clubs.
Bayern Munich are about to win the Bundesliga for the 7th year running. Barcelona and Real Madrid have won La Liga 13 times between them in the last 14 years. Juventus have won Serie A eight years in succession and Paris Saint Germain, dumped out of the Champions League by an embarrassingly poor Manchester United team this year, have been champions of France in six of the last seven seasons.
In Portugal, Benifica and Porto have shared the last 17 titles between them. It is a similar story in Scotland, Ukraine and most of the Eastern European leagues, although these tier two teams could even be shut out of the top league in the new structure.
They have enjoyed themselves, but their appetite/greed is unsatisfied. They look at the six clubs at the top of the Premier League and fear them all, particularly as the richest club in England, Manchester United, are not even among them, but will spend heavily, year after year, until they get back there.
That is seven English clubs causing a concern for them every time they start a European campaign, seven rivals with the money to rival, if not beat them, when it comes to signing the best players. And, when the new Premier League television deal is negotiated, it will almost certainly become even more lucrative.
Europe’s elite will look at what has happened this season and it will harden their resolve to change the structure of European football forever. Create a European Super League, in all but name, and even the Premier League will be whipped into order.
Force England’s biggest clubs to play more games, more regularly in Europe and the appeal of their domestic competition will gradually fade and the television deal that gives them their current financial advantage will surely go with it.
They want to level the playing field, but only for themselves, shutting out the rest. As we celebrate two all England European finals, perhaps we should be the ones who are scared of what it unleashes.