I need advice: Should I contact my father, whom I have never met?

I need advice: Should I contact my father, whom I have never met? (Picture for representative purposes only)

In our new series called, ‘I need advice’, we bring you questions that real-life people have asked in publications around the world. These are hard-hitting issues faced by men and women today. The questions could range from family, relationships and work, to abuse and sex.

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I am a 55-year-old man. There has been a thought that’s been troubling me over a period of time, which I want to share on this forum, so that I can get some good advice from my peers.

My father left my mother before I was even born. I have never seen him, nor seen his photos. 

My mother never remarried, and spent her life to work several jobs and raise me. I studied in the best schools, got good education and today I am very well settled in life. I am married with children, and live a happy life. My dear mother died of age-related issues late last year.

The thing is my father has never denied paternity — he now lives with his mistress, whom he married and they have children and grandchildren too.

He has never offered any support or help to me or my mother. 

I have so many questions to ask him. I tried to contact him once in my teen years; his response was “usse kya hoga?” (What will that accomplish?). So I stopped all my efforts to meet him, though the questions remained.

6 months ago, I received a letter from him — with a one-line apology for his curt remark all those years ago.

I don’t know what to do now. All those questions have suddenly come back to me; they haunt me all the time. Why did he leave? Did he not care, not think of us, even for a second? 

My father is now in his 80s, I don’t know how much time is left for him. During this lockdown, it is impossible to travel anywhere. But I am still curious. I have no siblings. I wonder what my half-brother and half-sister are like. 

What should I do?

Please help me.

What is your advice to him? Tell us in the comment space below. Please be mindful of your comments.

More on ‘I need advice’, here.

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Do you have a problem that is worrying you? Write in to us at sendyourstory@yahoo.com. We will feature your question in our ‘I Need Advice’ column.

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