I need advice: Should I contact my father, whom I have never met?

I need advice: Should I contact my father, whom I have never met? (Picture for representative purposes only)

In our new series called, ‘I need advice’, we bring you questions that real-life people have asked in publications around the world. These are hard-hitting issues faced by men and women today. The questions could range from family, relationships and work, to abuse and sex.


I am a 55-year-old man. There has been a thought that’s been troubling me over a period of time, which I want to share on this forum, so that I can get some good advice from my peers.

My father left my mother before I was even born. I have never seen him, nor seen his photos. 

My mother never remarried, and spent her life to work several jobs and raise me. I studied in the best schools, got good education and today I am very well settled in life. I am married with children, and live a happy life. My dear mother died of age-related issues late last year.

The thing is my father has never denied paternity — he now lives with his mistress, whom he married and they have children and grandchildren too.

He has never offered any support or help to me or my mother. 

I have so many questions to ask him. I tried to contact him once in my teen years; his response was “usse kya hoga?” (What will that accomplish?). So I stopped all my efforts to meet him, though the questions remained.

6 months ago, I received a letter from him — with a one-line apology for his curt remark all those years ago.

I don’t know what to do now. All those questions have suddenly come back to me; they haunt me all the time. Why did he leave? Did he not care, not think of us, even for a second? 

My father is now in his 80s, I don’t know how much time is left for him. During this lockdown, it is impossible to travel anywhere. But I am still curious. I have no siblings. I wonder what my half-brother and half-sister are like. 

What should I do?

Please help me.

What is your advice to him? Tell us in the comment space below. Please be mindful of your comments.

More on ‘I need advice’, here.


Do you have a problem that is worrying you? Write in to us at sendyourstory@yahoo.com. We will feature your question in our ‘I Need Advice’ column.

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