Trolls make news today. Armed with their social media handles, they buzz around their preferred queen bee of the day. But these aren't polite buzzings. They gather, gang up, and perform the social media equivalent of lynching on a daily basis.
Trolls can make and break celebrities, all from the comfort of their homes, with foolproof anonymity on their side. While they can often get abusive, threatening, attacking, they're almost never answerable. And that's what makes them such a great weapon.
Trolling changes narratives. Or at least causes enough noise and chaos to make every sensible argument or debate irrelevant. It's a social media deluge that consumes all that try to stand in its way, dismantling social structures, forging new political links, inciting hate, and succeeding (at least, by the looks of it).
But the desi troll has a certain language it adheres to. The troll may stretch this language to incorporate current events to stay relevant, but it often veers back, often dramatically, to certain words or phrases. Here we attempt to break down these common trollisms, because surely trolls need dictionaries too?
Supposed definition – A journalist who prostituted their integrity.
How it's used – “You PRESSTITUTE, You PAID MEDIA m****ch**d”
When to use – When the journalist, in no uncertain terms, explains why they wrote xyz article. Use immediately if the journalist is starting to make sense.
What they're thinking – How dare a journalist question the establishment?! Our pristine, cow-loving, sanskari establishment can only be questioned by a journalist with no integrity. Must be a presstitute.
Definition – Someone who is against the nation's ideals.
How it's used – “You don't worship gau mata? You ANTI-NATIONAL ch***a!”
When to use – When person A is having a conversation with person B and they don't think banning things randomly make much sense, and you HAVE to butt in. Use the anti-national card.
What they're thinking – These sickulars (see point 4) think that they can get away with asking for debate in society. Next they'll ask for Azaad Kashmir. Call out these anti-nationals!
3. Go to Pakistan
Imagined definition – A phrase used to end all conversations.
How it's used – “You didn't BATHE TODAY? Go to Pakistan!”
When to use – All the time. Seriously, don't even let them start talking. Why waste time when they could already be in Pakistan.
What they're thinking – Pakistan loves these anti-national Indians. The best way to customise our population is to make them take in as many Indians as possible. Tell these anti-nationals to go. Or maybe even go BACK to Pakistan, for added effect.
Obvious definition – A sick secular.
How it's used – “You don't listen to Mann ki Baat, you selfish Sickular? Modiji does so much for you.”
When to use – When someone who understands plurality so much as coughs on social media.
What they're thinking – Seculars are sick in the head. They actually think all religions are same. WHAT? Don't they know Hindus landed on Mars first?
5. Siachen pe jawan
Definition – Indian Army fighting at Siachen.
How it's used – “You are eating french fries aur Siachen pe jawan marr rahe hai!”
When to use – To end it. To finish your enemy.
What they're thinking – I have absolutely NOTHING left to say, but who can argue with the army?!
6. Spread your legs
Definition – Being asked to spread your legs.
How it's used – “Stop using your brains, just spread your legs.”
When to use – When a woman hurts your fragile male ego.
What they're thinking – If she dares question the system, be it patriarchy or the government, she needs to be shown her place. Which is obviously under me, with her legs spread out.
Definition – To ask someone to die.
How it's used – “You are filth, you shouldn't exist. I want you to DIE. Just DIE.”
When to use – When you're tired of trolling but you can stop, so you'd rather they just die.
What they're thinking – This is getting boring. Don't know what else to say, maybe a death threat would end this.
8. ISIS slave
Definition – A slave of the Islamic State.
How it's used – “You PAKI, you ANTI-NATIONAL, you must be an ISIS slave I know it!!”
When to use – When the woman who hurt your fragile male ego is Muslim.
What they're thinking – She is obviously a terrorist. But women don't make terrorists. Must be an ISIS slave. Bechari.
Definition – Someone who systematically causes widespread terror/is part of a terror outfit.
How it's used – “You Muslim, you terrorist!”
When to use – When your opponent is proved Muslim.
What they're thinking – Great, a Muslim. Start with terrorist, ease the rest in.
10. Generic rape threat
Definition – Well.
How it's used – “Saali, how dare you open your stupid mouth. I'll RAPE you.”
When to use – When you're angry enough. Any man can be forgiven rape if they're angry enough.
What they're thinking – Clearly she doesn't understand when told to spread legs. Never mind, just go for the kill. Throw in the R word.
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