In this confusing time of social distancing, reports show that people are experiencing polarizing levels of horniness. Some feel like their libido turned off entirely, whereas many others have turned to thirsting after a governor’s rumored nipple piercings and reading erotica. Being a poet of his time, Cody “Hung Like a Donkey” Simpson ventured to give the latter group what they need and released his first poetry book under his aqueous pen name, Prince Neptune. Spoiler: It’s horny as hell.
Yeah, he tackles other themes, like fearing death by ocean waves or motorcycles, having the confidence and direction to “move mountains,” and being brave for the sake of achieving greatness, but the steamier poems definitely demand special attention. And they’re pretty on brand considering he and Miley Cyrus are super open about their love life on social media.
So in honor of the release of “the first of many books” in Cody’s lifetime, these are the most horndog passages enclosed in Prince Neptune: Poetry and Prose. (If you so desire, Cody also released an audiobook of himself reading all these aloud that you can follow along with.)
“Your beauty betrays you. For you wish to be shrouded in the cloak of night. Hidden from your beloved. But even in this darkness. Your eyes glisten like sapphires. Warm women. Rich girls. Wet evenings. Lysergic acid. Leather. Sex games. Blonde hair. Brilliance.”
Sex games with “warm women” and “rich girls”? My pearls!
“Running the vibrant streets at dusk. My fresh new woman and I. Wine-soaked. Finger-locked. In nothing but jeans. Why should we sleep. Let’s fuck. We’re here right now aren’t we. You and I. In the universe.”
I mean, need he go on?
“The closer we feel to death. The closer we are to life. Surfing monstrous waves. Riding motorcycles. Suffocation for the sake of orgasm.”
Okay, so somebody likes to be choked. Noted.
“Enter now the eternal summer. The crystal tropics await. A tribe of deep electric jungle. Face paint. Drum rhythms. Semen sprawled upon trees. Marble palaces on canals. Naked women on great green lawns. Joyous, sensuous copulations. At night. Beneath the incoming rain.”
Wait, rewind. Did he say semen on the trees?! How turned on must someone be to—actually, don’t answer that.
“Gluttony is America. America is money. Money is sex. Sex is drink. Drink is hedonism. Hedonism is America.”
A very pointed analogy.
“Artists are those most apt to seduce us to life.”
Cody’s dated a lot of creative types, so this is his truth. Also, much respect to how this can be interpreted as a targeted ad toward Miley.
“Once upon a time in Hollywood. Guitars. Gardens. Chandeliers. Sex. Streetlamps. Music as immense mass seduction. Copulations in the back rows of movie theaters. Houses in the hills. Swimming pools. Fin-tailed Cadillacs. Lime juice. Coffee shops in alleyways. Comely girls with nose freckles smiling at you. Ah Hollywood.”
Tarantino could never.
“It was but a night. Now I’ve been bedridden for days. She gave me my entire life in an evening.”
“One night. On the beach. Vibratory waves pulsing. Lysergic. Behind my eyes. I saw a woman. In the shallows. Wading. Denim cut-off jeans. No shirt. Blue beads around her neck. Next moment. Pointed right at me. Grinned wide. Motioned me over. I got a hard-on. And swam.”
Starting to sense a theme here. Topless women + water + scientific names for LSD = the trifecta for Cody.
“Sex is life’s singular divine mechanism.”
Is it too early to start saying things like, “That’s such a Prince Neptune thing to say?”
In summation, I’m no poetry teacher, but I must say Cody really committed to his craft and theme. Props to him for publishing his first book!
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